As parents, we all agree good behavior (especially in company) is integral to feeling as though you've earned your parenting stripes, especially when balancing parenting and work. However, despite our best efforts, sometimes our kids display challenging behaviours, leaving most of us wishing we had a magic wand that could turn our kids into well-behaved angels with the simple flick of a wrist.
Unfortunately, it's common for parents to feel guilty or embarrassed when their kids act out. In fact, many of us fall into the trap of believing it must be a reflection of our parenting skills. We're here to tell you this simply isn't true.
In today's Piper Finn blog, we'll provide some things to consider the next time you or someone you know attributes poor behavior to bad parenting skills.
Many Factors influence behavior
It's important to note that a child's behavior is influenced by many factors, including their environment, temperament, personality, experiences and sometimes simply being tired or hungry. While parents play a significant role in shaping their children's behavior, they are not solely responsible for any behavior issues that may develop. Moreover, every child is unique, so the parenting techniques that work for one child may not work for another.
Complex Issues Can Negatively Impact Behavior
The next time you find yourself secretly judging the harassed mom at the checkout (we've all done it!) as she unsuccessfully tries to soothe three screaming kids, remember judging parents solely on their child's behavior is a teensy bit unfair. Why? Because it can oversimplify a very complex issue.
For example, some children may have trouble with impulse control or emotional regulation, while others may struggle with social skills or communication. These difficulties are not necessarily due to poor parenting but rather the result of developmental delays or other underlying conditions. Additionally, challenging behaviors such as aggression, defiance (ODD), or hyperactivity may indicate a child is struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, or other emotional issues. In such cases, intervention from a health professional may be necessary.
Parenting is a Tough Business
It's worth noting that parenting is a challenging and demanding job, and no one gets it right all the time. When balancing parenting and work plus daily family life, even the most loving and attentive parents may make mistakes or sometimes feel overwhelmed.
We're All Different
All parents have different parenting styles, beliefs, cultures, and priorities, which can influence their children's behavior. For instance, some parents may place more emphasis on discipline, while others may focus on positive reinforcement or communication. This can also have an effect on a child's behavior.
It Takes a Village to Raise a Child
Lastly, it's important to recognize that parenting is not a solo venture. Co-parents, caregivers, teachers, and other adults in a child's life all contribute to their development and behavior. Therefore, it's essential to have a support system that provides guidance, encouragement, and resources for parents and children alike. Moreover, access to quality education, healthcare, and other social services can help families address the underlying causes of challenging behavior and improve their overall well-being. Most importantly, its imperative for parents to indulge in a little self care – its necessary to be a good parent!
When it comes to a child's behavior, various factors, such as genetics, environment, temperament, and experience, are all contributors. As parents or caregivers, the best we can do is to strive for good communication, positive reinforcement, and understanding of our child's unique needs.